True story of a girl, just trying to get her d wet

satans-fabulous-blog:

morphingly:

brightredkettle:

are you the SAT because i’d do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes

with a ten minute break halfway through for snacks

That’s the most reasonable pick up line I’ve ever heard. You’re hired.

ohshititsgreg:

If your name is Frank an you don’t use the opportunity to say “let me be frank with you” every day then you are truly dead to me

dampsandwich:

the entire school was burning down and i had to pull the fire alarm. i sprinted over to it. there was writing on it in permanent ink. it said: if you pull this down you are gay. no way was i pulling the fire alarm anymore

lesbianese:

thedingledodies:

oscill8wildly:

milktree:

you can pretend like I dont exist but I still made you whimper like a little bitch when you were about to cum

i need this printed on a t-shirt

gpoy

la-meilleure-amie:

Everyone SAYS they want a fairytale wedding but when I show up and curse their firstborn suddenly I’m a jerk.

(Source: meilleure--amie)

snapchatting:

macbook pro?? no no i use a macbook bro. *chest bumps everyone in the room*

honksy:

*on my deathbed*

nurse: do you have any last words

me: i………..regret……being so……m…..mean………and heartless…………….

*the light goes out of my eyes*

*a small piece of paper falls out of my hand*

*the paper says one word only*

“sike”

“pass me a joint”

i rip off my arm, crying as i pass the detached extremity to my friend 

(Source: joshfrancesgay)

In the event that Tumblr will somehow change drastically to the point where none of us will want to come on anymore, feel free to send me your: 

Skype Name

Email Address

Facebook

Instagram 

AIM/Google Chat

Mobile Number [Make sure we’re in the same country!]

Go forth my friends! I want to stay in touch. 

(Source: claraswilliams)

princeruto:

i’m no gynecologist but i know a cunt when i see one

(Source: waillord)

chanandlerb0ng:

“hey sorry i was busy” kidding i was watching my fave tv show and u interrupted rude

noonereadstheurl:

I honestly can’t blame David Karp for wanting to sell this website

You can only be called “daddy” by white middle-class teenaged girls so many times before something just snaps

ethanwearsprada:

i think it’s a universal truth that everyone in our generation takes pluto’s losing its planetary status as a personal offense